I'm having a super hard time lately. I begin each day with a resolution to eat healthily and watch portions, and I give up by about 10 am. I actually tell myself there's no point because I've never been able to effect long-lasting, real change anyway. Why do I do this to myself?
The most frustrating part is that I've done this so, so many times. I'll lose weight and reach a goal, then within a couple months the weight is back and even more difficult to lose the next time. I am afraid to step on the scale; when I think about it, I get a tightness in my chest and an upset stomach. I don't really even need the scale, though- my tight pants are telling me what I need to know.
A friend, who has seen me do this time and time again, suggested that perhaps I am just too stringent and hard on myself, and that's why I swing the other way so easily. Another friend and I were discussing how we have never felt comfortable in our own skin (I can remember being embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit at age 7 because I thought I was fat), and maybe we never will. That doesn't seem like a great way to spend this one life we're given, but also, I suppose things could be a lot worse. If this is the main burden in my life, then things really aren't so bad.
In the meantime, I'm still going to set my daily goal, and hopefully I'll be strong enough (today maybe?) to tell that devil on my shoulder to shove off.
I hear you Julie! It is a daily conversation with myself and too often I end the day thinking negatively about myself andand my choices. I want off of the roller coaster!
ReplyDeleteHi Julie, I came here from FB and I started to read your blog. Wow. I admire you! Really. With 3 boys and full time job you have strength (and time) to run, exercise and write about it. Wow. You are great.
ReplyDeleteI don't have problems with my diet so maybe I shouldn't write a comment. However I can imagine how you feel because I begin each day with a resolution to exercise or run and each day I fail and feel terrible :-((. I only can tell you that I've never felt comfortable with my own skin (even with pants size 4). It's not about the weight, it's in my head.