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| Reed just turned 4 yesterday, Ozzie is 10 months, and Braeden is 6 |
However, "mom guilt" constantly hangs over me when it comes time to head to the gym...yet I also feel guilty when I skip a workout. It did NOT help that I read this article about Tina Fey, in which she said, "While it would be great to work out an hour a day, there is something inherently sort of selfish about it." There it was, in print, somebody judging what I do to be selfish - exactly what the mom guilt has been trying to tell me all along. I know that it would be much worse to be an abusive or neglectful mother, but selfish seems pretty bad too.
I am a teacher, so I'm lucky in that I have summers to spend with my family; I don't feel bad going to the gym then. During the school year, though, it's a different story. If I hit the gym at 5:30 in the morning, I get my workout out of the way and have my evening free to spend with my babies...but I miss sharing breakfast with them or being there if they wake up early and sneak into my bed for a snuggle. I could go around 3 pm, right after school gets out - barring any other commitments, which is rare - but then I can't take a group fitness class because they're not offered until 4:30 or later. If I wait until later at night to take a class (which I usually do on Tuesdays and Thursdays - 5:30 pm Body Pump), then a good portion of the evening is gone, dinner is late, and we're rushing to get through the bedtime routine (and I know it'll just get worse as the boys get into school activities and start having homework). It seems like there is no winning.
I know there are plenty of positive benefits for my children in regards to my commitment to exercise. The biggest one is the example I'm setting for them (and so is Asa, since he is a dedicated gym-goer as well). They know that fitness is a priority in order to be healthy, and they are starting to understand that exercise is something everyone needs to do and that it should be fun! Just this week, Braeden came inside with massive grass stains on his pants after playing soccer in the yard. He proudly showed them to me and said, "Mom, these mean that I was working really hard when I was practicing."
Exercising improves my mood and gets rid of stress. I have energy to play with my kids. Hopefully, all this exercise will help me live a long and healthy life - I want to be able to run around and play with their children. When I'm at the gym, the boys are at Kids Kove, which has an amazing staff. They have a great time there and usually don't want to leave! Bonus: my kids are making friends with the kids who are there because their parents are also committed to physical fitness, so they're learning that exercising is just a way of life.
For now, I think the key is finding balance - I will do what I need to do in order to keep my family happy and keep myself sane. The mom guilt will always be there - if not about this, then about something else, right? I must commit to being a dedicated mom to my boys, and I also must commit to regular exercise (if I don't, the only thing I'll commit myself to will be an asylum). If I'm sneaking out the door at 5:15 am and a sleepyhead Reed tiptoes up and says, "Can you come back to bed and cuddle?", it's okay to skip my workout and replace it with some hugs. If my stress level is through the roof, it's okay to have Asa take over with the boys for the night and head to the gym.
Any thoughts, fellow parents? How do you handle it all?
I disagree with Tina Fey. There are 24 hours in a day. It is not selfish to spend 1 of those hours investing in your health and well being. You are setting a great example for your children, teaching them to make health and nutrition a priority in their lives. You shouldn't feel guilty. The mother that sits on the park bench watching her children play, because she is too out of shape to play WITH them, should feel "mom guilt". The mom that feeds her children Happy Meals more often than she feeds then vegetables should feel "mom guilt". The mother that pushes a grocery cart full of pop, Twinkies, and Doritoes should feel "mom guilt". YOU should NOT feel "mom guilt!"
ReplyDeleteI struggle with mom guilt too, as a new mom to a 9 month old. I used to get ready at the gym and go right to work on MWF, but now I go home to get ready instead, so my baby knows mommy is still around and that way I get a few minutes with him in the morning. Like you said, it's about not beating yourself up. You'll never be the perfect mom or be able to spend as much time at the gym as you like, having to pass up workouts because your kid was sick or didn't sleep well the night before, or you just want more cuddle time. All you can do is balance your priorities and be flexible. So you miss a workout? Go for a walk with your family after work and do some sit-ups/push-ups, etc at home after the kids go to bed (or as a family!), at least it's not a total loss that way. You are deserving of time to yourself, once the kids are out of the house you have to be able to be someone other than "mom".
ReplyDeleteI find it really hard to get out of the mom mode also. I work Mon-Frid 8-6 and sat 7:30-noon and then all day sunday. Not including the other meetings i have during the week....So, for me to find time to exercise is going to dip into time where I can spend time with the kids.
ReplyDeleteBut, I feel for most of us it is just natural to feel guilty. But we also have to do things for ourselves in order to the happy Moms that we are to be...
The children love whatever time you can give them. We just have to make it count when we get kid time in.....
Lives should never be too busy for the children..they grow up way too fast.
So, to sum it up. Don't feel guilty to go to the Gym.
I gave up almost everything about me for the first 12 years of my parenting life . . . and I was a complete mess. I've been going to the gym and running for the past nine months and I feel so much better. My kids are a little older than yours, so they're often busy with their own activities while I'm gone. However, even if they weren't, I need this time. It would be selfish of me to continue on the path I was following. Mo said to me recently, "It's good that you're exercising mom, we need you healthy for a long time."
ReplyDeleteI think you're doing a great job of balancing your life. You gave up some things that were taking up extra time in order to prioritize the important things. Keep going, Julie--you're a great mama, no guilt necessary.
I like Tina Fey but I completely disagree with her! Sometimes when I have no motivation to work out, I do it anyway because my marriage and health are a priority and I know my husband appreciates that I stay fit. When your children are older they will realize what a gift you give to them by taking an hour or two a day to work out, and don't feel guilty just because group fitness classes are fun!
ReplyDeleteI think you said it just right Julie, the guilt is always there, I have it too. But when I take that couple hours for myself, makes me a better mom. My spirits are lifted, and ready to take on Mom duties with a happy soul:)
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